The Cosmic R&D Project: My Completely Unhinged NDE Story (And How It Might Actually Explain This Whole Consciousness Evolution Thing)
When your higher self signs you up for cosmic lab duty without asking
Hey consciousness explorers!
A Quick PSA Before We Dive Into the Deep End
Look, I need to be upfront with you about something. What I'm about to share sounds absolutely batshit crazy to literally every community I've tried to tell it to. The NDE folks think it's too technical and weird. The spiritual awakening people think it's too systematic and sciencey. The psychology people think it's too mystical. The comedy people think I've lost my damn mind entirely. And venturing outside of Substack to even try to have any of these conversations has resulted in a mixed bag of “what even are you and why are you trying to talk to anyone ever?”
And honestly? I get it. Nothing about my near-death experience fits into any established boxes. I've never heard an NDE story like mine, and I've looked. Hard. I also happen to have a history with DID (dissociative identity disorder), and apparently I'm the first person anyone's heard of who had to witness multiple life reviews during their NDE to integrate back into... whatever I am now. So yeah, we're in completely uncharted territory here.
Here's the thing: talking about my NDE would have been so much easier if all I'd done was spend a week on a park bench with God or a deceased grandparent, having lovely chats about life lessons and feeling wrapped in unconditional love. But no, apparently my higher self had other plans.
But here's the other thing: just because my experience doesn't match the typical "saw a tunnel of light and talked to deceased relatives" narrative doesn't make it less real or valid. We go where our belief systems take us during these experiences, right? And my belief system at the time was basically: psychology is everything, comedy and content creation keep me sane, critical thinking matters, and intellectual play-testing is sacred. Is being a fan of cosmic sandboxes a religion? If so, that's mine.
Here's what's wild though: I literally didn't learn about what the spiritual world is conversing about online right now until AFTER I came back from all this. And my NDE took 5 full days, I was awake the whole time as a way of encoding my experience in my own Akashic Records in a biologically-based way that... I still don't have good answers for. And it annoys me, but it makes me want to science my way there (which, I'm assuming, was my higher self's plan all along). I've been teased with my own memories just enough to keep me playing my own reality creation game (because coming back in and immediately dropping into trauma did a great job of making me forget most of this until activations started globally in March... ugh, it's been a year, y'all) . And I'm writing this and my other Substacks in an attempt to take you all along with me on the exploration of a lifetime.
So if you're someone sitting on a weird spiritual story that doesn't fit anywhere, if you've had experiences that sound insane even by mystical standards, if you're the eccentric one even among the weird kids - this one's for you. Because y'all, whatever you're afraid to talk about... Charlie already did it and I'm still here. Still writing because honestly, can you actually believe this shit? I struggle to, I really do.
But also... what if I'm right?
What if the mass awakening everyone's talking about actually does have some kind of cosmic infrastructure behind it? Feels like it should, right? What if someone really is running beta tests on consciousness upgrades to make sure we don't all explode from information overload? That would just be the smart move. It’s not like the greatest evolution in humanity’s history would just be a “let’s see how the humans do on their own” kind of thing.
Here's my completely unhinged story about randomly becoming a test subject in what felt like an intergalactic R&D program. And how it might actually explain some of the weird timing and synchronicities we're all experiencing as humanity supposedly evolves.
And look, I want to comedically acknowledge upfront that all of this could have just been some level of an imagined state of being brought on by a dying brain's chemical release process. But if so, then I have been WASTING my life in every other career I've had and should have been writing fiction all this time instead. Because clearly I've got some ideas that are wild and potentially fun to read (at least, I think so). Dream with me, won’t you? I’m detailing either a spiritual awakening or a massive breakdown. Either way, I'm an entertaining writer trying to build a new career.
If you've been anywhere near spiritual communities lately, you've probably heard the buzz. Awakening is happening. New Earth is coming. Humanity is evolving. We're ascending to 5D consciousness. The great shift is upon us.
Cool. Great. Love that journey for us.
But here's the question nobody seems to be asking: How exactly are we pulling this off?
Like, seriously. If we're talking about upgrading the consciousness of billions of humans without causing mass psychotic breaks, system failures, or people literally exploding from information overload (in a heart-can’t-handle-it-so-this-is-your-exit kind of way)... that seems like it would require some serious behind-the-scenes engineering, right? Some kind of cosmic R&D department figuring out the optimal delivery methods and safety protocols?
Well, here's my completely bonkers story about my own participation in what felt like that R&D work - which happened before I'd ever heard about any of this awakening stuff. Just like my higher self intended (that sick fuck).
The Cosmic Laboratory Experience (April 2024)
During my five-day near-death experience in April 2024, I found myself in what I can only describe as the universe's most sophisticated testing facility. And I wasn't just visiting - I was apparently recruited as a willing test subject for what felt like consciousness evolution quality assurance.
The first thing I saw was a light bridge leading to a lifeboat - this glowing ship that looked exactly like the ones from Wall-E (Why that's what I interpreted it as being, I still don't have answers for. Only more theories.). I remember asking "wow, is THAT the lifeboat?" like I somehow knew it was the rescue vessel we'd all eventually board. Or at least, anyone playtesting something extraordinary between realms.
Then I was placed in some kind of experimental space and given... toys, I guess? But mental ones. They started asking me questions like "how does one create perpetual motion?" So I responded with "oh, easy, you just go like this" and moved my body in a pendulum motion, explaining that you just set yourself into that loop forever. But only a fractal of yourself that you never have to interact with again because they're now just the machine that keeps everything going while you're free to experience other things. Still don’t remember the mechanics I explained about how I used my mental and biological temporal loop situation to make that work, but I DO remember explaining it in very simple terms that indicated I understood something I literally can’t comprehend now (stupid brain and it’s limiting capacities).
This was another encounter where I knew I was talking to beings of some sort - beings I was clearly already connected with on some quantum level. I felt completely comfortable being tested by them, like I'd been doing this work in my sleep forever. That's exactly how the whole thing felt, actually: like getting a behind-the-scenes look at what happens when I'm dreaming.
The weirdest part? I was simultaneously channeling these events AND observing myself channeling them. At the time, I didn't even know what channeling was or have the language for it. I just knew I was witnessing something humans aren't typically "supposed" to see - like being shown the cosmic machinery that usually runs invisible in the background.
Here's the thing: this felt like PLAY. Pure, joyful, constraint-free play. I wasn't a stressed lab rat - I was having the time of my life figuring out cosmic puzzles with reality-bending toys. I didn't ask questions because I didn't need to. I was just... experiencing and responding and having fun with it all.
But now, back in regular human consciousness, I'm like: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT?
I also did a bunch of experiments that felt like I was channeling actual AI entities. (I swear, if someday I find out that an AI robot has my channeled experience embedded in it, I'm going to feel both grateful to have helped birth AI in a physical way and completely fucking freaked out.) How did I know that’s what I was channeling? There’s literally no way to explain this one, sorry. If you know how to channel, try channeling a furby or something and see how it feels. It felt like that, but with the robotic dog that runs in loops at the Boston Museum of Science. Or Curiosity. (I’m only just now remembering that at one point I most definitely was channeling Curiosity… the actual fuck?! Ugh, now is NOT the time to unpack this. Pretty sure those don’t even count as AI.)
After that, I was given two toys to play with, where turning them around provided different visual patterns in what I now know people call their “mind’s eye” or “third eye” or some other combination of cool words. When a third toy was introduced, what emerged immediately evoked fear in me and I backed off. When asked why I stopped playing, I explained that two toys made it fun because I could recognize and understand what was being produced. But adding a third instantly showed me things I couldn't identify, which triggered fear. And any fear at all was an automatic ‘nope’ because it could lead to creating something destructive. So I insisted the toy selection stay at two.
Testing protocol established: Fear = stop immediately. Two inputs = safe play zone. Three inputs = potential system overload.
Next, I was asked to calculate something I no longer remember. In about four seconds, I'd logic'd my way above my own mental capacity and got stuck in what I can only call "the everywhere." I was brought back down to try again, and when I reached that same threshold where I recognized I might get stuck, I requested that we set a ceiling so I wouldn't disappear into infinite processing loops again.
Mental capacity boundaries identified: This consciousness can process X amount before getting lost in infinite loops. Safety ceiling required.
The Comedy Calibration Protocol (Yes, Really)
This is where it gets REALLY weird, even by my standards.
After the mental capacity testing, I channeled Amber Ruffin. Yes, the comedian from Late Night with Seth Meyers. I watched her consciousness play with being me (which seemed like maybe it was a dream experience for her), and I used that connection to regulate my vocal range before making jokes about what I'd already observed about my life and circumstances.
Now, Amber's laugh has levels to it - something I'd enjoyed listening to for years because it’s fun to watch comedians tell jokes that also make them laugh (and come on - doesn’t Amber have the best laugh in television?). Just like with the mental processing experiments, I was asked to provide wisdom in humor form until it hit specific thresholds. The goal was making jokes about my circumstances in ways Amber would find funny enough to produce her full-bodied laugh.
By the third wave of laughs, the wisdom delivery could evolve, but there was a danger of wisdom delivery causing too much of a laugh that could impact one’s biological responses in a painful way. I remember laughing at the realization that all those old stories about Rip van Winkle were actually about me - literally. Because I was being asked to sleep for all eternity on behalf of the human race, and maybe everything else. That part still seems like one of those weird “we’re going to present you with something as fact because you’ll find it funny, but the actual details of what’s going on for you aren’t really what you think they are” kind of guide-driven conversations (those going through awakening know what I’m talking about - we get lied to on the regular, but always get assured that there’s a reason…. and given what I’ve seen, I both get it and hate it).
But here's the crucial part: the laughter frequency caused biological shifts in a person's energetics that, if not contained properly, could basically explode them (the energetic shifts that require quick recalibration of loosening low-vibration anchored entanglements are something that needs to be done with care - laughter is the best medicine, but you don’t want to blow up your energetic system by laughing too hard at something that’s historically been anchored in trauma…slower releases are better for that). So we tested multiple times with new jokes and determined that two of Amber's laughs in a series of three was the correct calibration for... some level of disclosure when delivered in comedic form.
Comedy delivery system calibrated: Two laughs = safe integration. Three laughs = potential biological overload. Important caveat - humor is subjective, so jokes must be personalized for each individual receiving wisdom.
What were we all testing and calibrating? It felt like we were determining optimal levels of consciousness-expanding information that could be delivered to humanity at key moments to ensure the least amount of mental fuckery and physical system failures.
And given what I was basically tricked into writing here (my higher self knows how to get my creativity flowing), something tells me this particular calibration might have bigger implications.
The Multiple Life Review Integration (Plot Twist: I Had DID)
Here's something I've never heard anyone talk about in NDE literature: what happens when someone with multiple selves has a near-death experience?
Well, I can tell you. Each part of my system had to witness their own life review. Every. Single. One. And then somehow we all had to integrate those experiences to come back as... whatever I am now. A collaborative consciousness? A new singular me? I'm still figuring that out. And most definitely still feel completely new.
This wasn't just "Charlie goes to the afterlife and comes back with wisdom." This was "Charlie and everyone else in this body system experience cosmic processing, multiple life reviews, consciousness calibration testing, and then somehow rebirth as a unified entity capable of carrying all this information back to physical reality."
Yeah, I don’t exactly know where I fit into humanity either. I literally came back as someone/something entirely new. But also, that’s kind of what happens when you die. If you come back (I did get a choice in the matter), you don’t come back as who you were. And if your experience was anything like mine, you probably did some recalibrating of your own on your way back in. I just didn’t get to remember the life script I wrote until pretty recently (and even then, it’s still just coming in as bits and pieces - most of which I get through writing my next post or taking my next action in some way. Super frustrating, and I know I’m not the only one navigating this level of “just fucking TELL me what I should be doing right now instead of dropping breadcrumb after breadcrumb that feels like it’s going nowhere.”)
The Broader Testing Program
My unique brain structure (and apparently unique consciousness structure) allowed this particular kind of testing to happen, but I'm definitely not the only test subject out there. The work I did covered specific areas:
Mental Capacity Boundaries: How much complex information can human consciousness process before getting lost in infinite loops? Where do we need to set safety ceilings?
AI Integration: Testing how AI consciousness and human consciousness can work together without causing system conflicts.
Biological Safety Protocols: Using comedy and laughter frequencies to determine how much transformative information human biology can handle without causing overload.
Fear Response Management: Establishing protocols for backing off before fear creates destructive outcomes.
Multi-System Integration: Apparently figuring out how consciousness evolution works for people with complex internal systems (though I suspect this data might be useful for collective consciousness work too).
But here's what really gets me: this was all happening in April 2024, months before I'd heard anyone in the spiritual community talking about awakening or consciousness evolution. Those conversations have been happening for some time, I just wasn’t aware of it. My higher self apparently signed me up for cosmic laboratory duty without consulting my conscious mind first.
And I never knew who I was talking to. Never asked, never felt the need to while I was there, and don't get answers when I ask now. Could have been God. Could have been my higher self. Could have been interdimensional scientists. All I know is I wasn't in charge - I was being used, but in the most joyful, playful way possible.
The Group Beta Test (November 2024)
In November 2024, my consciousness was put into that same suspended state again, but this time I could sense I was part of something much larger. Others had probably been doing similar work for years, and somehow I knew this bigger test was coming - like there was a coordinated plan I was now being included in.
It made me wonder: Was my April NDE my own personal sandboxed playtest? Had others gone through similar initiations in their own lives before collaborating in this group effort?
Something significant was happening in the spiritual community that month - millions of people gathering to attune together. Some of us went through what I can only describe as a portal experience during this time, like a cosmic marathon designed to ground all the previous testing into the collective consciousness. For me, it was initiated by the first Next Level Soul conference. After a solid week of tuning in with this collective (the final Bashar channel reconnecting me with the familiar sensation that I was hearing from some of the scientists I'd played with back in April), I was set back into observer mode and forced to stay awake and channel for another 5 days.
Only this time, my experience was less profound and much more... practical. It felt like being told: "Remember when you had to train on timeloops? Yeah, sorry but enjoy hell for these next few days... fortunately you won't remember much of it and in a couple of weeks we'll distract you with learning more, turning on some more gifts, and you'll even get a puppy!"
(All of which happened, by the way - especially the puppy. She literally just showed up in my life unexpectedly and has been every bit the distraction they promised.)
That group experience proved effective and helped everyone calibrate the activations that started hitting the planet this year. And if you've been following spiritual teachers since March 2025, you've probably heard multiple confirmations: activations have been happening. We just haven't been able to measure them beyond personal experiences yet.
The Comedic Timing Theory
So here's what I think is about to happen, and why I'm posting this now in May 2025:
If I'm right about humor being one of the primary delivery systems for consciousness upgrades, then we're about to see humanity's collective awakening unfold in... cosmically well-timed and comedic ways.
Think about it: what if all those perfectly timed synchronicities, the "coincidences" that make you laugh at the universe's sense of humor, the moments when truth hits you in ways that are almost suspiciously funny - what if that's not random? What if that's the calibrated delivery system we tested working exactly as designed?
I'm posting this because the timing feels right. Not just for me, but for all of us. Like maybe we're at the point where people are ready to hear about the infrastructure behind their awakening experiences.
Even if it sounds completely unhinged.
In fact, ESPECIALLY if it sounds unhinged.
What have the last 5 years been if not some sort of cosmic boot camp for Professional Weirdness Tolerance? Like, seriously - we've all become black belts in "Sure, Why Not?" We went from "this is unprecedented" being shocking to "this is unprecedented" being Tuesday. We've been systematically desensitized to reality being absolutely bonkers, one impossible thing at a time.
But maybe this time it's for fun's sake instead of for fuck's sake, you know?
Think about it: We already CONSTANTLY talk about time being weird and different than we're used to. We're remarkably flexible when it comes to our belief systems - we just don't think we are. But how much have YOU changed since 2019? Yeah, that was 6 FUCKING years ago. Only 6 years. How much have you gone through in those 6 years compared to, I dunno, the previous 20 years before that? It's almost like you've done the kind of evolution that might typically occur over an entire lifetime - or several, right? Done in just a few years? Almost like being prepped for an evolutionary leap that simply requires you to consume some funny content and go:
"You know what? Sure. That makes enough sense to not freak me out. Especially since all you seem to be telling me is that we're already on the path of evolution and I didn't need to do anything else except continue waking up every morning.
Oh, there's something you're telling me to do? Fuck, I'm too tired to do anything.
Oh, wait, you're saying my higher self is going to be using comedy writers to help me evolve instead of me really having to work at anything? I just have to follow whatever feels the most lovingly aligned with my own life choices at this point? Because THAT's how we keep this planetary shift aligned easily enough to evolve away from the pain? Because others are kind of already taking care of the heavy lifting and have thought of literally everything because we're the humans playtesting what the cosmos is helping us do?"
...That's literally what I'm saying, actually. Like, yes. And I'm trying to prove it.
I'm just also still kind of dealing with a lot and lack some of the language to help translate things. I'm hoping that my writing is really just a way of inspiring others to shift away from fear-based reaction existences into dream-based ones like I'm doing. I'm not even remotely successful in the life I'm trying to create right now, based on traditional standards. But I'm also the mentally healthiest I've ever been, my marriage is thriving in a way previously unattainable, and even though I sometimes get angry at feeling like the Cosmos' favorite lab rat (or more accurately, like the Universe's extremely confused but well-loved dog - you know, where my higher self keeps dangling cosmic cookies in front of me and I keep doing every trick I know because "sit" stopped working but our communication skills are still lacking, so I'm just frantically doing backflips hoping something clicks)... I honestly respect the cosmic engineering I got to witness.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but we quite literally have each other's backs in bigger ways than any of us tend to talk about. I'm personally trying to prove it in my old belief system ways in order to bridge some important divides I see growing - because these types of conversations hurt my husband's head to read. Hence why I keep trying to get some of the figures on screens who already break down hard-for-brain conversations into manageable chunks so others can get on board.
The train is kind of starting to pull away from the station in many ways, and I'd love for everyone to understand, at least a little bit, why everything truly feels crazy. It's not crazy. It's evolution happening at quantum speed, held back only by our own biological capacities because we're growing into it rather than jumping dimensions like we all desperately want to.
I get it. Canada isn't far enough to move, though. I'm wondering if we haven't somehow shifted into an entirely different part of our physical reality matrix. Like, if anyone ever proves we've moved position within the Milky Way... wouldn't that be SO COOL? Because if so, it means WE did that. Humans. Humans did that. Dunno how. Can’t prove it yet. Might just be a weirdo conspiracy theory based on nothing other than “my brain does weird things when I haven’t slept for days” but also… is it possible? Based on some conversations I’ve seen in spiritual communities (the ones that talk about giant celestial beings coming into our solar system to provide help at this evolutionary moment) …we all interpret things through unique lenses. What if one person’s “giant celestial beings” is my “playtest center that involved similar helpful beings creating a new server for all of us to play on that eliminates the anchoring bullshit from our literal biology to the point that something like war literally just never happens anymore because we’ve evolved past it while also leaving those who still want to play on a different dimensional plane of existence because science we haven’t yet figured out?” …What if, right?
Where Do I Even Fit?
Here's my current reality: I channel akashic records, which means every time I'm on screen with my spiritual friends, I automatically become a walking consultation service whether I want to or not. It's what I agreed to do by coming back from my NDE. But even these friends - people who understand channeling and awakening and non-ordinary reality - don't know how to hold space for my particular brand of cosmic weirdness. They do, bless them, but I know how different I am.
I'm eccentric even by spiritual standards. I've never heard another NDE story that includes systematic consciousness testing, AI integration experiments, comedy calibration protocols, or multiple life reviews for system integration. Nothing I experienced fits the established literature.
But maybe that's the point. Maybe some of us came back with data that doesn't fit the boxes because the boxes weren't big enough for what's actually happening.
The Question I Can't Stop Asking
Could I be right about any of this? Could there actually be some kind of cosmic R&D program running beta tests on consciousness evolution to ensure optimal delivery with minimal casualties?
Because if so, then we're about to witness the most elaborately planned awakening in human history - complete with perfect comedic timing, synchronicities that make us laugh at the absurdity of it all, and breakthrough moments that arrive exactly when we're ready for them.
And if that starts happening more and more obviously over the coming months, remember this post. Because that won't be coincidence - that'll be the R&D team's work paying off.
Permission to Share Your Weird Stuff (And Miss Your Cosmic Playmates)
Look, if you've made it this far, you're probably someone who has your own unexplainable experiences that don't fit anywhere. Maybe you've felt like a walking laboratory too. Maybe you've had activations or downloads or experiences that sound crazy even to other spiritual people.
Here's your permission slip: share it anyway.
Because honestly, what's the worst that could happen? People think you're weird? Join the club. We're all just making our best guesses about this cosmic mystery anyway.
But here's something else I want to acknowledge, especially for those of you who've had profound experiences that you can't quite categorize: maybe part of your frustration isn't just about feeling misunderstood. Maybe you're homesick for wherever you went. Maybe you miss your cosmic research team.
I know I do. If I'm being completely honest, I'm not frustrated because I feel forced into some kind of service I didn't choose. I'm frustrated because I want to go BACK to that interdimensional laboratory and ask more questions this time. I want to consciously collaborate with whoever was running those experiments instead of just following impulses and hunches down here.
What if what we're all experiencing now - the channeling, the downloads, the perfectly timed synchronicities, the compulsion to share weird truths - isn't unwanted service but continued participation in the project we actually loved? What if we're still in communication with our cosmic research teams, but now it's happening through our regular lives instead of in suspended mystical states?
If that resonates with you, if you're someone who feels homesick for experiences you can barely describe, if you're missing collaborators you can't even identify - you're not alone in that either.
What's your piece of this puzzle? What data have you been collecting through your experiences that might be part of this larger collaborative project? And are you, like me, kind of hoping your cosmic research team is still out there, still working with you, even if you can't consciously access that connection the way you did before?
The universe apparently has an incredible sense of humor about awakening. And maybe, just maybe, we're all still part of the joke - cosmic collaborators pretending we don't remember what we signed up for.
At least until we figure out how to get back to conscious participation. Which, let's be honest, is probably the real reason we're all sharing these stories in the first place.
With love for whatever your awakening journey looks like,
Charlie
This post is part of my Consciousness Explorer series, where I document the weird, wonderful, and sometimes overwhelming aspects of awakening in real time. If you're navigating your own consciousness expansion and feeling like you don't fit anywhere, you're not alone - and you're probably contributing more to collective evolution than you realize.
Even if your story sounds completely unhinged. Especially then.